From Spring Training to Summer Training

So I was tying up this polar bear a couple months ago, well, let me back up a little.

I was interviewing for a job with the World Wildlife Fund and really wanted to impress the staff there.  I had snooped through some of their records and found a polar bear adoption order for one Kathryn Wrigley and thought to myself, "This is my chance to shine!"  So between my fifth and sixth interviews I hightailed it up to Churchill, Manitoba in search of orphaned polar bears. (It is important to note that I was not employed by the WWF.  Not for legal purposes, but because I believe that this circumstance is partially responsible for the reason that I was unfamiliar with their adoption policies.  In fact I was under the impression that when somebody adopts a human or some other animal that he or she takes it home and provides for it.  Much to my chagrin, it wasn't until a couple days later that I learned this is not always the case.)

So there I was, tying the legs of this polar bear together to get it ready for delivery to Vermont, when Tampa Bay Rays manager Joe Maddon approached me. "Say there son," evidently he was on some spiritual excursion seeking guidance for the upcoming season from the aurora borealis, "you sure look like you know what you're doing.  You tie up polar bears like Millard Fillmore passed legislation...without even thinking about it." A statement that was especially funny to me because I was thinking the exact same thing. "We could use a man like you roaming centerfield this year. Whaddya say you come on down to Port Charlotte and try out for the team?" I told him that I only wanted to play for the Cubs, but he offered to buy me a grouper sandwich when I arrived, so I said sure.

Rays' Manager Joe Maddon

After getting out of the Winnipeg jail I made my way to Florida and actually beat out the new phenom, Desmond Jennings for the starting centerfielder position.  But Rays' management and I couldn't reach agreement on a suitable contract so I decided to hang up the cleats.  However it wasn't a total loss because during my week down there I read several books about trains and decided to tour the country on the rails.

Down in Florida taking some cuts against the Yankees' Joba Chamberlain